Blog Post: Importance of the Right Fit
Choosing a therapist is like picking a travel companion for the inner journey — you want someone who gets your map, respects your pace, and won’t make you sit through an unwanted tour of their emotional souvenirs. The “right fit” matters because therapy works best when you feel safe, understood, and able to be honest.
Why fit matters
Rapport fuels progress: Trust and connection make it easier to share hard stuff. If you dread sessions or censor yourself, change stalls.
Methods + needs must align: Different therapists use different approaches (CBT, EMDR, psychodynamic, DBT, somatic therapy, etc.). The same approach won’t suit everyone; what helps one person might frustrate another.
Values and identity matter: Cultural competence, gender/sexual orientation awareness, trauma sensitivity, faith considerations, and life-stage experience all shape whether you feel truly seen.
Practical fit affects consistency: Logistics like session length, fees, availability, and telehealth vs. in-person affect whether you can attend regularly — and consistency drives outcomes.
Therapy goals should match style: Want skills for panic? You might need structured, goal-oriented work. Want to explore long-term patterns? A reflective, relational approach fits better.
How to figure out the fit
Know what you want: Short-term relief, skill-building, trauma processing, or long-term insight? Write your top 2–3 goals before searching.
Use initial consults: Most therapists offer a brief phone or video consult. Treat it like a first date — ask about approach, experience, and what a typical session looks like.
Ask specific questions: How do you treat X (anxiety, trauma, etc.)? What does progress look like? How do you handle crisis? What’s your stance on medication? What are your boundaries and cancellation policies?
Notice how you feel in the first few sessions: Comfortable openness and increased clarity are good signs. If you leave confused, judged, or drained, that’s important feedback.
Give it time — but not forever: Some discomfort is normal as you tackle hard topics. If after 4–6 sessions you still feel stuck on therapist dynamics (not the work itself), consider switching.
Safety first: If you feel dismissed about safety concerns, suicidal thoughts, abuse, or discrimination, find someone else right away.
Red flags vs. normal bumps
Red flags: Dismissal of your concerns; pressure for long-term commitments immediately; lack of boundaries (excessive self-disclosure, socializing outside therapy); lack of competence in presenting problem; minimizing identity-related issues.
Normal bumps: Mild awkwardness early on; slow progress as trust builds; differing communication styles that can be negotiated.
Practical tips for choosing
Be specific in searches: Look for clinicians who list your concern, use a relatable approach, and mention cultural/identity competencies if that matters to you.
Consider logistics: Sliding scale, insurance, session length, evening/weekend slots, and telehealth options make a big difference.
Ask about outcome measures: Some therapists use brief questionnaires to track progress — a sign they pay attention to results.
Don’t overthink goodwill: A therapist being warm isn’t enough; you want warmth + skill.
When to switch
You don’t feel safer or more understood over several sessions.
The therapist lacks experience with your primary issue and can’t offer referrals.
You feel judged, shamed, or gaslit.
Practical barriers make regular attendance impossible and alternatives aren’t offered.
Final note: Therapy is an investment of time, trust, and often money. Finding the right match increases the chance that investment pays off. It’s okay to be picky. Think of it as dating with better goals: compatibility, mutual respect, and a plan to grow.
