Blog Post: Couples Therapy
What to expect with couples therapy
It all begins with an idea — a flicker, a whisper, a half-formed dream you keep bumping into. In couples therapy, that idea is your relationship: what it could be, what it’s been, and the tiny shifts that can make it feel steadier, sweeter, or just saner.
Here’s a quirky-but-practical map of what to expect:
First session: getting oriented
Think of this like opening night. We’ll meet (virtually or in person), talk about what brought you both in, and set some basic goals. I’ll ask questions about your history, patterns, strengths, and the recurring conflicts that keep looping. You’ll each get space to speak and be heard — no press conferences, just honest check-ins.
Assessment and pattern spotting
I’ll listen for recurring dynamics (blame, withdrawal, pursuer–withdrawer loops, stonewalling, that spectacular “we’re fine” routine). We’ll name the patterns so they stop feeling like mysterious weather and start feeling like fixable plumbing.
Setting goals together
Goals can be big (rebuild trust, decide about the future) or small (learn to fight without annihilating one another, restore sex or playfulness). We’ll pick a few that are realistic and meaningful. Expect measurable, concrete steps — tiny experiments you can try between sessions.
Learning tools and skills
I’ll teach communication tools (how to express needs without launching missiles), repair strategies (how to de-escalate and reconnect), and empathy-building exercises. You’ll practice things like reflective listening, “I” statements, and time-limited check-ins. Yes, these tools sometimes feel awkward at first. That’s normal. Awkward practice beats habitual damage.
Doing the homework
Expect small assignments. Not punishments — experiments. They might include brief daily check-ins, a guided conversation, or a behavioral change to test an assumption. Real change happens in the between-sessions world, not just under the overhead lamp.
Tackling pain and history
We’ll address wounds, betrayals, and long-standing resentments with care. This can be intense. I’ll help you name the hurt, own impact, and develop concrete repair steps. Therapy is a container for hard truths — painful but often liberating when handled gently and responsibly.
Monitoring progress and adjusting
We’ll revisit goals regularly and celebrate gains (big and tiny). If something isn’t working, we’ll tweak the approach. Therapy is collaborative; it should evolve as you evolve.
When deeper individual work is needed
Sometimes one partner’s issues (trauma, addiction, severe depression) require individual therapy alongside couples work. That’s not a failure; it’s sensible teamwork. I’ll help coordinate referrals when appropriate.
Ending or transitioning
Therapy ends when you meet your goals or feel equipped to manage things on your own. Some couples check in occasionally for tune-ups. Others graduate and never look back. We’ll plan a thoughtful ending so gains stick.
What success looks like
Not perfection. Not a rom-com montage. Success is clearer communication, more reliable repair after conflict, increased safety and fondness, and the ability to make joint decisions without being hijacked by old patterns.
A few practical notes
Sessions are confidential, except in safety emergencies or when required by law.
Consistency matters: weekly or biweekly sessions create momentum.
Bring curiosity and willingness to try new behaviors. Bring snacks if you like; creativity thrives on blood sugar.
If your relationship is the idea, think of couples therapy as the workshop: a place to prototype, test, and refine. It’s messy, brave, and often transformative — and you don’t have to do it perfectly to make meaningful change.
